Lolo’s Dementia: He Punches Me in the Face!

the kanos shiner

My 83-year-old father-in-law, Lolo (Grandpa), has dementia. From early morning to night he carries on a running conversation with dead relatives, particularly Fernando Gange, and sings gibberish songs that make Justin Bieber look like a genius. He can be extremely violent at times. The other morning he punches me in the face! The lead photograph shows the shiner he gave me. I haven’t had a good fight in decades. At 62 years of age I’m too old for that crap. And unlike  Kim  Kardashian’s fat ass, my shiner has not be Phot0shopped.

the kano's shiner

It was around 6:30 am Thursday morning when I heard my father-in-law loosening a piece of jalousie on his bedroom window. In times past he has taken a slat of jalousie and used it as a weapon, swinging it at people. I opened his bedroom door, he dropped the glass, and smacked me in the right eye with his fist.

My wife, hearing the commotion, quickly followed me and scolded her father. Too late. The damage had been done.

I truly wish the nipa hut we are building on our new property for Lolo is finished soon (the roof is going on today.) Although I know my father-in-law’s deteriorating mental condition is not his fault, it does not making living with him and his violent tendencies and continual conversations with  the voices in his head, more tolerable. I’ve reached my breaking point with him.

Once our funds from the United States are transferred we will buy our new truck and stay in the nipa hut before our new home is built. After our electricity is hooked up at the hut, we will be able to sleep comfortably there with a fan. Lolo will stay at “The Farm” with our niece, nephew and domestic helper. Our caretaker Gerry is currently staying at our new location during the evening, providing security.

The shiner doesn’t hurt. I don’t recall having a black eye before though I did have a scuffle or two in my grade school days, many decades ago.

close up of the shiner
Was I pissed? Sure, but what can I do? So I wisely stay away from Lolo’s bedroom (my asawa informs me she always goes in there ready to defend herself, if necessary. Now she tells me!) My father-in-law has tried to stab me with a kitchen knife and has attempted to bash in my asawa’s head with large rocks on several occasions. He tries to punch our nephew and helper. I shudder to think what he would be like without the medications that Murray the Kiwi has so generously donated to us to treat Lolo’s dementia.

So until we start sleeping at the new nipa hut, where I will have a blissful sleep free of Lolo’s rantings (I get up between 3 and 4 am every morning now), I will try to make the best of a very difficult situation and make sure I always keep on the lookout for Lolo. He might be a little guy but he still packs a pretty good wallop.

Author: The Kano

POST AUTHOR: "THE KANO." Dave DeWall, "The Kano", is the Publisher & Editor-in-Chief of "Philippines Plus" in publication since August 2009. He is also the CEO of Lizard Poop Productions and author of the best-selling guide book "The Philippines Expat Advisor." Dave moved to the Philippines in July 2009 from Central Illinois with his lovely wife of over 19 years, "The Sainted Patient Wife." The couple reside in a rural province in Western Visayas, Guimaras. The small island province is said to have the sweetest mangoes in the world. They do not have any children but are the proud owners of eight active canines, including a Belgian Shepherd called "Killer" "Killer" has bitten five people in the last two years along with one goat and a carabao. "Killer" doesn't like strangers. Or goats. Or carabaos.

8 thoughts on “Lolo’s Dementia: He Punches Me in the Face!

  1. Dave,
    He did clock you pretty good. For an 83 year old he has a pretty hard punch. But like you said he can’t help what he’s doing. From working p/t security at an altzheimers unit i know they can get quite violent. I know several times of attacks on staff/other residents. By the way i like the changes to your site.

    1. Yep, the old geezer caught me completely off guard. I’ll have to keep one eye open when I sleep now.

      Thanks, Papa Duck. The old theme was just too cluttered for me. I picked up this new one yesterday and though I am still tweaking it a bit, love the clean design and magazine-like format. I tested the new format on my tablet, since more and more of my visitors are using tables and cell phones, and I was pleased with the way it looked.

  2. Looks like sunglasses are in order when to head into town. We can’t help ourselves. If you see someone with a blackened eye you have to ask “What happened!” My guess is Melinda feels pretty bad about this however I can already see your taking the high road. Sunglasses. Yes definitely sunglasses.

    1. Yep, been wearing the sunglasses Captain Tom. The eye has not healed yet. We did our monthly shopping last week at the SM Hypermarket in Iloilo and I entertained the cashiers and bag boys regarding my injury inflicted by Lolo. Off to Camp Alfredo today to swill a few cold ones with my Aussie friends. I’ll be wearing my cheap shades.

  3. OUCH! I imagine you said other things than that though. Like you said, what can you do except to put up with it as best you can, he is family.

    I was just recently informed for the very first time that because my wife is the oldest and also the only daughter, that it is her duty to take-in and take care of her parents once they get old and can no longer do it themselves. It seems on a regular basis anymore that I keep getting informed of all these new rules that I am supposed to have already know about since I am married to a Filipino, guess I better reread the handbook, I think I missed a few chapters it appears.

    Might be a good idea for a book, if it was possible to compile all the “rules” together so we expats would know the unwritten “rules” of marriage to a Filipino, rather than getting all these surprises, and the I told you this “many” times, hon. Granted, I dont remember every thing I have been told, but if I had been told this “many” times I think at least on those times, I would have remembered it. Guess my memory is also going now also, or first stage of Alzheimer’s.

    1. My wife is not the oldest, Bill S. She is in the middle of the pack. She had a total of seven other siblings. At least Lolo, my mother-in-law, is still in Manila with her favorite, the oldest son. I think the care of Lolo falling to her is due to the fact that she is married to a “rich” kano.

      There ARE many rules that you discover once you marry a Filipina. You could write a book about it Bill, but prepared to be updating it on a regular basis. 😉

  4. We all told you not to let Lolo watch the Pacman fight. 😉 To bad beef steak is so expensive here, looks like a thick sirloin is needed on that eye. (or does that only work in the cartoons?)

    1. Lolo slept through the whole fight, Scott H. I just about did, too. Boring. Yep, beef is too expensive (and too tough) here. I have a couple of half moon black circles left under my eye. After a few beers with my buds today, I probably won’t even care.

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