web
stats

Tag: bolo

How to Get Killed in the Philippines in 5 Easy Steps

How to Get Killed in the Philippines in 5 Easy Steps

FEATURED
I’ve lived in the Philippines with my awesome asawa for over eight years. My only duties involve boiling hot water for our coffee and tea every morning and cleaning our swimming pool. “How to Get Killed in the Philippines in 5 Easy Steps” will help you live a long and productive life in the Philippines if you follow the advice of a crusty old expat. (more…)
My Amazing Asawa Plays Hardball!

My Amazing Asawa Plays Hardball!

FEATURED
You don't ever want to mess with my wife when she has a bolo in hand. If she's angry, she could chop your pecker off faster than a jackrabbit on moonshine. So when we were having some difficulties with our new independent contractor in the Philippines, regarding payment for services rendered, I wisely stayed out of the negotiations. My amazing asawa plays hardball and hits one out of the park! She didn't need any help from me. (more…)
Never Buy Your Asawa Clothes for Christmas

Never Buy Your Asawa Clothes for Christmas

FEATURED
Lead Photo from Imgur   Never buy your asawa clothes for Christmas. If she's anything like my wife, you'll end up going to a SM City Mall the day after Jesus' birthday celebration and face massive mobs that rival the hordes of Hade. I kid you not. I would (almost) rather have each of my fingernails and toenails pulled out then encounter the crowds that my spouse and I had to deal with.  I had to navigate the crowded mall filled with morons that hypnotically gazed downward at their cell phones as they checked their latest asinine Facebook message and never watched where they were going. Crowded eateries that reduced us to eating at Pizza Hut (at Robinsons, our first stop) which is never packed out. (more…)
Do You Want to Build the Best Nipa Hut in the Philippines?

Do You Want to Build the Best Nipa Hut in the Philippines?

FEATURED
Do you want to build the best nipa hut in the Philippines or do you want to build one half-assed? The Bahay Kubo, Balay, or Nipa Hut, is a type of stilt house common to most of the Filipino rural culture. If you desire to manufacture a quality hut, you need a quality crew. Take a gander at our brother-in-law Joery in this photo. He's preparing to put a concrete finish on the CR, Comfort Room, walls. He always does quality work.   (more…)
Native American Tipi in the Philippines

Native American Tipi in the Philippines

THE ROOSTER CROWS AT 4AM!
I was quite amazed during a recent sojourn to our new property site on the mango island province of Guimaras. My brother-in-law Joery, chief foreman for our new home construction, had built a Native American tipi in the Philippines. If Joery ever pisses off his asawa, Alida, something all of married men are prone to do occasionally, he now has some new digs he can hide out in. Caretaker Gerry is our security at the new job site Actually our caretaker at "The Farm," Gerry is in charge of security at the construction site and Joery built the Native American tipi for Gerry as a temporary shelter. Several tree branches serve as the tipi cover where our  caretaker sleeps at night, along with his oldest son.     Cousin Emma's Jade Market and Hollow Block Factory delivered 500 hollo
Doomsday Preppers and Bug-Out Bags in the Philippines

Doomsday Preppers and Bug-Out Bags in the Philippines

FEATURED
We're just now getting "Doomsday Preppers" in the Philippines from the National Geographic Channel. The show explores the lives of otherwise ordinary Americans who are preparing for the end of the world as we know it. Unique in their beliefs, motivations, and strategies, preppers will go to whatever lengths they can to make sure they are prepared for any of life’s uncertainties. I watched the first episode the other night. I found it quite entertaining and even humorous at times. Photo Source: tokyomango.com (more…)
The Lizard Poop Brush. An Essential Item in Every Filipino Household

The Lizard Poop Brush. An Essential Item in Every Filipino Household

FEATURED, LIZARD POOP! ADVENTURES IN ILOILO
Lizard Poop. It's not much of a problem in our Iloilo subdivision home as it was back at "The Compound" in Guimaras where we formerly resided. Of course, I'm not the one cleaning up the crap. My asawa, who asked me not to take her photo (see next picture), was busy the other day with a brush (that looked like a toilet bowl brush to me) cleaning out our windowsills. (more…)
My Asawa is like an Elephant

My Asawa is like an Elephant

FEATURED, LIZARD POOP! ADVENTURES IN ILOILO
  My asawa has a memory better than an elephant. After over 12 years of marriage she can still pull stuff out of her....head that happened from the exact instant we both said “I do.” You married guys know what I'm talking about. But when it comes to important events around here, I'm not informed until days, weeks, months or even years after the fact. (more…)

The Resurrection of The Rooster?

THE ROOSTER CROWS AT 4AM!
When I left off yesterday with my account of my computer crashing and the files wiped out, I promised a peek at Sainted Patient Wife's latest project. Here are some photos of her latest endeavor. SPW has enlisted the help of brother-in-law Joery in hacking off pieces of an old mahogany tree to use it to make charcoal. SPW is in the photo on the right, rope in hand, trying to keep the branch Joery is working on from hitting our new roof. The road in the background is our cow poop laden subdivision road. Her Father is in the back chopping up the branches that Joery brings to him. We have been buying our charcoal for about $5 a huge bag (about 4 times the size of a big Kingsford bag), but I guess Sainted Patient Wife wants to do some economizing here. Christmas is coming up, and we want to