Why Did Jesus Never Get Married?

Wedding at Cana 473x334 - Why Did Jesus Never Get Married?

Another reason to find my loving spouse a shopping buddy. A recent trip to SM City found me in a usual position. On my fat kano butt. Sitting on the “old guy’s” bench at Forever 21. Furthermore, no tablet or cell phone to pass the time. However, after about 15 minutes, a young Filipino man joined me on the bench.

The Bargain Hunter

The Pinoy was waiting while his wife or girlfriend hunted for bargains. Much like my own wife of over 19 years. My own partner had spied a dress rack. The signage on the rack proclaimed “Buy 1 Get 1 Free.” This is akin to giving free shabu (meth) to a drug addict.

This thought kept spinning around in my oversized bald head: “Why Did Jesus Never Get Married?” The answer buzzed around in my brain. I knew I had to ask the young man sitting next to me and hoped he could understand my English “slang.”

After a few minutes I posed my question to the chap:

“Why did Jesus never get married?” I inquired.

“Excuse me, sir” he queried.

“Why did Jesus never get married?” I repeated.

“I don’t know, sir,”came the reply.

“Because He never wanted to sit around and wait while His wife went shopping,” I responded.

The man laughed. He understood. There’s an unspoken truth among all married men no matter what country they live in. If you go shopping with your wife, or girlfriend, be prepared to wait. And wait. And wait some more.

This is a fact of life. Pure and simple.

After about 30 minutes or so, my significant other found two dresses from the sales rack. The younger Filipino’s better half had already finished her shopping some time earlier.

My Wife’s Shopping Buddy back in the States

As I sat waiting for my wife to check out some earrings, I contemplated my retirement in the Philippines. Back in the States, my wife had a shopping buddy, “Ate Lourdes.” Every Saturday around 7:15 am my spouse would take our Chevy Colorado to drive to nearby Chatham, Illinois, about ten minutes away. Ate Lourdes and my wife would then head for the various shopping malls in Springfield, Illinois.

Around 10:30 pm that evening my wife would arrive home from a full day of shopping. I had already devoured a Tombstone pizza and caught my evening of British sitcoms on our local public TV station, WILL Channel 12 out of Champaign, Illinois.

My Hero, Red Green

red green show - Why Did Jesus Never Get Married?

Photo Credit: MyPrinceGeorgeNow.com

The evening ended with The Red Green Show.  Canadian comedian, Steve Smith, Jr., portrayed Red Green, the overseer of the “Possum Lodge.” Red had quirky quotes such as this following gem:

“If the women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.”

My wife would sometimes sit down and watch the last half of the show. Oftentimes, she would understand “Red’s” humor and laugh out loud.

That said, I can’t imagine “Red” ever sitting in a mall waiting while his wife, “Bernice,” went shopping. He was always too “busy” at the “Possum Lodge.”

(Jesus’ First Miracle, The Wedding at Cana lead photo from FreeBibleImages.org)

Author: The Kano

POST AUTHOR: "THE KANO." Dave DeWall, "The Kano", is the Publisher & Editor-in-Chief of "Philippines Plus" in publication since August 2009. He is also the CEO of Lizard Poop Productions and author of the best-selling guide book "The Philippines Expat Advisor." Dave moved to the Philippines in July 2009 from Central Illinois with his lovely wife of over 19 years, "The Sainted Patient Wife." The couple reside in a rural province in Western Visayas, Guimaras. The small island province is said to have the sweetest mangoes in the world. They do not have any children but are the proud owners of eight active canines, including a Belgian Shepherd called "Killer" "Killer" has bitten five people in the last two years along with one goat and a carabao. "Killer" doesn't like strangers. Or goats. Or carabaos.