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Guimaras Globe Internet Speeds Still Suck

A recent article in The Manila Standard slightly amused me. The bulletin purported that mobile Internet download speed in the Philippines had improved last April 20118. The Crusty Old Expat, always the skeptic, decided to do his own independent study. The results? Guimaras Globe Internet Speeds Still Suck. (Graphic Sourcepinoyhacknews.com)

Guimaras Globe Internet Speeds Still SuckGlobe Telecom

There’s really no delicate way of saying “suck.” According to the Urban Dictionary, early Jazz musicians would say that a guy could really “Blow” if he had a good sound when playing the horn. If he couldn’t play very well then they would say that he was “Sucking” on that horn. That’s where the term “Suck” as being something bad came from.

When I tested my Globe Internet speeds on Ookla, the agonizing results revealed that indeed, “Guimaras Globe Internet Speeds Still Suck.”

Maybe Internet speeds on Al Gore’s World Wide Web are faster in Makati on fiber-optic cables, but they’re slower than a herd of turtles on our island province of Guimaras.

My Globe Internet plan, simply called “The Plan, costs 999 pesos a month, 20 bucks, for up to 16 Gigabytes. I don’t download movies or YouTube videos. Researching material for “Philippines Plus,” reading four online newspapers and playing “Marvel Future Fight” on my Samsung Tablet chews up the majority of my data.

I do not have a Facebook account nor do I use any other social media platform. The multitude of posts I’ve seen on Facebook in the Philippines deal with what I call “chain messages,” an updated version of the old “chain letter.”

Dire forecasts of doom and gloom will befall anyone who do not forward the FB message sent to them to at least a dozen people or more. All in all, general carabao crap, and very smelly at that.

My asawa, “The Sainted Patient Wife,” has a separate data plan which costs an additional 299 pesos a month for her Internet usage, which is primarily used for her Facebook.

In a recent report called Digital in 2018, it showed that Filipinos spent the most time globally using social media sites with an average of four hours per day on sites such as Facebook, Snapchat and Twitter.

“Guimaras Globe Internet Speeds Still Suck”

The recent Speedtest Global Index Report of Ookla for April 2018 reported that the Philippines’ average download speed for mobile broadband improved 88.31 percent from 7.44 megabits per second in July 2016 to 14.01 Mbps in April 2018.

It also showed that the average download speed for fixed broadband accelerated 122.76 percent from 7.91 Mbps in July 2016 to 17.62 Mbps in April 2018.

What was the average download speed for our Globe Internet account in Guimaras? A sickly 1.66 Mbps. My upload speed was a measly 0.93 Mbps. Check out the graphic below:

Speedtest by Ookla is allegedly the global leader in internet performance testing and consumer-initiated network diagnostics with over 10.2 billion speed tests clocked worldwide.  It’s evident, however, that Ookla didn’t do any testing in Guimaras.

In the same report, the country’s internet users grew by 7 million over the last year to 67 million users with internet penetration growing from 58 percent in 2017 to 63 percent in 2018.

The Manila Standard’s article claims that Internet speed and availability are on a steady upswing due to President Duterte’s repeated calls for telecommunications companies to improve their service.

However, the impending entry of a third major telco player into the market, which was supposed to occur this past March, doesn’t seem any closer than it did when first announced last year.

In the meantime, “Guimaras Globe Internet Speeds Still Suck.” And probably will continue to do so for a very long time to come.