I’ve lived in the Philippines with my awesome asawa for over eight years. My only duties involve boiling hot water for our coffee and tea every morning and cleaning our swimming pool. “How to Get Killed in the Philippines in 5 Easy Steps” will help you live a long and productive life in the Philippines if you follow the advice of a crusty old expat.
- One of the easiest ways to get killed in the Philippines is to get involved in politics. Since 2010, over 1,200 people have been murdered due to political killings. (Source: Wikipedia)
2. Sell shabu. Drug dealers in the Philippines are becoming an endangered species. Whether it’s shabu (meth) or weed, under President Duterte’s watch, over 3,000 to 12,000 drug pushers have been killed, depending on whose official figures you believe.
3. Get in a property dispute. How to get killed in the Philippines? Argue with your relatives about property. Since many Filipino families have a large number of siblings, constant arguments about who gets what share of the land after the parents kick off, is a recurring issue here.
In fact, I just read a story today in the Panay News where a 47-year-old man hacked his 79-year-old father with a bolo. The son heard that the family’s property was going to be sold. The father still managed to fire his .38 at the son and both of them ended up dead.
- Sing Frank Sinatra’s “My Way” in a Filipino karaoke bar. The “My Way” killings are a social phenomenon in the Philippines.
A number of fatal disputes have occurred due to the singing of the Sinatra classic “My Way” in karaoke bars. A New York Times article estimated the number of killings to be about six up to 2010. Another source estimates at least 12 from 2002–2012.
Is this phenomenon due to the song being frequently sung or the song’s aggressive lyrics? Perhaps it’s just some plain dreadful singer belting the tune off key? Opinions differ over the cause.
Me? I think a lot of the blame can go to too many bottles of Red Horse. (Source: Wikipedia)
- Become a journalist in the Philippines. According to the Committee to Protect Journalists, at least 78 journalists have been murdered in the Philippines since 1992.
“How to Get Killed in the Philippines in just 5 Easy Steps”
The final word. Don’t write about your barangay captain for the local newspaper while he’s in a karaoke bar singing “My Way” trying to settle a property dispute with your drunken relatives.