The Retired Old Fart in the Philippines

old fart relaxing in boracay

Crusty Old Expat. The Retired Old Fart in the Philippines. Both of those monikers, and others, apply to me. Regular readers of Philippines Plus might have noticed that comments have been closed for recent posts. I have a shot of myself relaxing in Boracay at the end of each post stating that.

 

I’M ON VACATION

 

Merriam-Webster’s Simple Definition of vacation : “a period of time that a person spends away from home, school, or business usually in order to relax or travel.”

How can an American expat that’s lived in the Philippines over seven years doing nothing claim he’s “on vacation?”

That’s a good question. Let’s examine it.

 

“THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME.”

 

Said Dorothy upon her return to Kansas in the “Wonderful Wizard of Oz.”

No offense to my Kansas readers, but the scenery along the turnpikes of the Sunflower State don’t offer the most scenic views. Unless you like wheat fields, of course.

But the crusty old expat and his extremely patient asawa do enjoy getting away from home base occasionally.

Unlike her lazy husband, my wife is always busy doing something from daybreak to dusk. She deserves a break. Me? Well, you probably already know the answer to that.

So while I  haven’t earned any vacation time from home, my loving wife has. Thus I sacrifice my diddly-squat daily routine so my partner can have some relaxation time traveling all over the Philippines.

Here’s a list of places we’ve visited in the Philippines so far this year.

BACOLOD OR BUST

 

 

We journeyed to Bacolod, the City of Smiles this January. We took a Weesam Express ferry. While we usually travel via SuperCat, a Weesam ferry was ready to go when we reached Iloilo, our starting point. Big mistake. Quite windy that day. The bumpy ride made me nauseous.

 

my asawa and the sm city masks in bacolod city

 

TWO TRIPS TO CEBU

 

My spouse and I made two trips to Cebu during the first half of the year. We thoroughly enjoyed shopping at SM Seaside Cebu. On our second visit we took along our young niece and nephew that live in Guimaras.

 

outside sm seaside cebu

 

 

BOUNCING AROUND BOHOL

 

Visiting the Chocolate Hills in Bohol was definitively the highlight of our one-day-tour there. Because with all the recent rains, however, all those 1,776 hills are probably greener than a Leprechauns shamrock now.

 

my lovely asawa chocolate hills bohol

 

HITTING THE BEACH AT BORACAY

 

Though we were continually pestered by vendors wandering the beach, Boracay was one of our favorite spots to visit this year.  The sunsets we viewed from the beach, however, were some of the most beautiful ones we’ve ever seen.

 

bonding time at sunset on boracay

 

MISADVENTURES IN MANILA

 

We visited the Metro Manila area last month. Shopped at the SM Mall of Asia and my asawa visited with some relatives. It was our sixth trip of the year but we have another adventure in the Philippines planned in September.

 

mall of asia globe

 

UPCOMING TRIP TO PALAWAN

 

The next stop on our “bucket list” is Palawan.  My wife has a brother who lives there. Her brother is a traffic enforcer who was shot at the first day on his job. The enraged motorist he pissed off missed.

 

THE RETIRED OLD FART IN THE PHILIPPINES

 

Let’s return to the dictionary definition of vacation: “a period of time that a person spends away from home, school, or business usually in order to relax or travel.”

I’ve briefly covered the “time spent away from home” aspect of my continual vacation in the Philippines.

Consequently, I’m now in a modified “staycation” mode. Wikipedia describes this phenomenon as a period in which an individual or family stays home and participates in leisure activities within driving distance.

I’m living vicariously through my asawa as she takes our Ford Ranger to the local wet market in Guimaras, all well within driving distance from our home. I’m content to nap. Read the daily online newspapers.

I also watch the news to see the latest on President Duterte’s war on drug in the Philippines. You have to give that guy credit. He’s got some balls and refuses to cave in to weak-kneed, gutless officials questioning his methodology.

Note to American officials in the State Department expressing their displeasure with President Duterte: “Butt out and shut up.”

 

the kano relaxing in boracay

 

RESTING UP FOR PALAWAN

 

Finally, I can only say I’m resting up for Palawan. Our new pool in the Philippines will soon be opened. Just waiting for the concrete to cure. I don’t know where our next destination after Palawan will be. We’re still tossing that around.

A trip out out of the country to Singapore is a possibility. My wife worked in Singapore for years and it’s one of her favorite places in the world.  In the meantime, this old fart in the Philippines will be doing what he does best: absolutely nothing. As my British friends would say: “Cheers!”

Author: The Kano

POST AUTHOR: "THE KANO" aka "THE CRUSTY OLD EXPAT." Dave DeWall, "The Kano", is the Publisher & Editor-in-Chief of "Philippines Plus" in publication since August 2009. He is also the CEO of Lizard Poop Productions and author of the best-selling guide book "The Philippines Expat Advisor." Dave moved to the Philippines in July 2009 from Central Illinois with his lovely wife of over 19 years, "The Sainted Patient Wife." The couple reside in a rural province in Western Visayas, Guimaras. The small island province is said to have the sweetest mangoes in the world. They do not have any children but are the proud owners of eight active canines, including a Belgian Shepherd called "Killer" "Killer" has bitten five people in the last two years along with one goat and a carabao. "Killer" doesn't like strangers. Or goats. Or carabaos.