The Hulk is Dead

hulk the cow in guimaras mango land

It might not be a pleasant topic for some: “Hulk is Dead” but unless you’re Shirley MacLaine who believes her dog was once an Egyptian god, there is no denying the fact that “The Hulk” will not be roaming our premises in the Philippines any longer. 

Ms.MacLaine took the prime minister of Sweden Olof Palme as a lover in the 1970s. She came to the realization that she last had sex with Olof 1,200 years earlier when he had been Charlemagne the Great, ruler of the Holy Roman Empire and she had been a Moorish peasant girl.

Unfortunately for Hulk, it doesn’t appear that he has any peasant Moorish girl in his future (or past for that matter.) Hulk, the cow my brother-in-law Joery has been taking care of for over the past five years, has been sold.

Joery’s youngest, JalAmiel, 8, is quite saddened by this news as Hulk will soon end up on someone’s dinner plate as a steak or hamburger.

But that’s the way things are:

You’re born.

You live.

You die.

Unless, you’re Shirley MacLaine, of course.

My mother-in-law purchased the cow for 7,000 pesos, 148 US Dollars. Joery has been caring for him the past five years. He sold for 24,000 pesos, 500 USD. No feed was ever purchased for him. He was grazing at my asawa’s property at “The Compound” and has been at our new location in the Philippines for the past several months.

In fact, I had just taken what will be the last video of the fallen Hulk a few days ago.

I didn’t name the animal. I’ve heard it’s best not to name any creature you plan to slaughter. I personally had no attachment to the beast. I never gave it water. I never moved it to greener pastures. My brother-in-law and wife took care of that. I, did, however, have to honk my horn at the cow a couple of times, when he blocked the path to our gate. But that’s about it.

Now my spouse has no source nearby to collect her cow poop. But like Shirley MacLaine, Hulk will live on as his previous poop has been used to fertilize the cornucopia of plants and flowers planted in our yard.

Rest in peace, O,  Noble Hulk. I like my steaks well done.

Author: The Kano

POST AUTHOR: "THE KANO." Dave DeWall, "The Kano", is the Publisher & Editor-in-Chief of "Philippines Plus" in publication since August 2009. He is also the CEO of Lizard Poop Productions and author of the best-selling guide book "The Philippines Expat Advisor." Dave moved to the Philippines in July 2009 from Central Illinois with his lovely wife of over 19 years, "The Sainted Patient Wife." The couple reside in a rural province in Western Visayas, Guimaras. The small island province is said to have the sweetest mangoes in the world. They do not have any children but are the proud owners of eight active canines, including a Belgian Shepherd called "Killer" "Killer" has bitten five people in the last two years along with one goat and a carabao. "Killer" doesn't like strangers. Or goats. Or carabaos.

8 thoughts on “The Hulk is Dead

  1. A while back I was considering cow farming, but decided that anything bigger than a chicken would be hard for me to off..there kinda like big dogs. Don’t get me wrong I just ate a nice steak for tonight’s dinner and its the natural way. Id rather leave that job for someone else ! Rest in peace Hulk. He had 5 good years anyways.

    1. My wife has a relative that takes care of a couple of carabaos for her, Nick, on his property. The relative gets the pick of any calves as his fee. I’m barely inclined to take care of myself. 🙂

  2. Hi Dave, at least he had a pretty good life roaming around and that’s what matters we
    All like a bit of steak for dinner, you’re closer to Mother Nature now not like back home
    People just shop in the supermarket not giving a second thought were that meat came
    From, I admire vegerterians but admit I love my meat to much, Derek in pasig.

    1. My friend, Captain Tom, who used to reside on our island, Derek, is a vegetarian. I love meat too much, also, to give it up. But I have to admit, my asawa is feeding me more veggies with black rice, and I’m enjoying them. But not as much as a juicy, greasy cheeseburger.

  3. Dave,
    At least Joery made some money on the sale. It’s probably best that he sold it because a lot of the Philippine beef is very tough and has to be cooked a long time.

    1. Yes, the beef here is very tough, Papa Duck. I can usually get some decent ground beef from the SM Supermarket in Iloilo, but I haven’t had a good steak since we moved here over six years ago.

    1. Oops, forgot to tell that part of the story, Lance. Joery arrived at 5:15 am the day before he took Hulk to market. Our nephew Sharwen and Joery walked Hulk over to “The Compound.” Took them 55 minutes. It’s a very common site in Guimaras to see people walking their cows or carabaos along the side of the road.

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