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Thu. Apr 15th, 2021

Picked up some pan de sal from the Sari Sari Bakeshop located on the edge of a jungle near our home in Guimaras. I had just arrived home after a day with some new American expat friends, Paul from Iloilo and Jeff, the "Crazy Cano." Brother Tom was with our group for a good portion of the day, but had to leave around 2:30 to visit a friend. It was already dusk. I hadn't called home or sent a text to The Sainted Patient Wife all day. I had looked at my cell phone occasionally between rounds of San Miguel Pale Pilsen that Paul was buying for us at The Moon Cafe in Iloilo City, but it didn't look like I had missed any calls or messages. I had my free Samsung phone set on the "Outdoor" profile which had the loudest ringtone.  Figured I would pick up the pan de sal in case my asawa was miffed that I hadn't contacted her. Hmmm, too bad we don't have a jewelry store in our local barangay, because after arriving home I discovered what I really needed was at least a two-carat diamond. DSC


  • "WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL? I THOUGHT YOU WERE KIDNAPPED!" were the first words my asawa greeted me with.
  • "I didn't hear your calls!  I didn't see any messages! What do you mean kidnapped? I told you I was going to meet Paul from Iloilo and his friend Jeff. You know Tom went with us!" I frantically exclaimed. I quickly scanned the room, hoping the dreaded bolo was not nearby.
  • "I called Lyn Lyn and Tom was there. He said 'don't worry, you are OK'. He said you were just drinking beer with the guys when he left," shouted The Sainted Patient Wife.
  • "So why didn't you listen to him?  I WAS OK." I replied.
  • "How do I know that? You don't think that I read about people meeting strangers on the Internet, and they get kidnapped?" my worried asawa blurted out.
  • "WHAT!!! Paul and Jeff are good guys. Why in the world would you think I was kidnapped?" I answered.
  • "I never met them! I kept calling,  but your phone kept  disconnecting me. I was worried sick!" my spouse exclaimed, as she became angrier and angrier.
  • "We went to Jeff's place after we left the Moon Cafe." I sputtered.
  • "Then why didn't you call me to let me know? (Hmmm, that was a fair question she was asking.)
  • "Because I was drinking too much!" I said. (Sure didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.)
  • "You are irresponsible!" my asawa correctly stated.
  • "Yes, I am. I'm sorry."

And I was sorry. Couldn't figure out why my phone never rang. Maybe Jeff's house was in a part of Iloilo that had bad cell phone reception. It was not unusual to have no signal from our home to the Jordan Wharf.The road literally ran along the edge of a jungle.  I  just could not understand why I did not hear the phone.  I realize I had been drinking a lot, and I am getting old, but I can hear my cell phone when it is on the "Outdoor" setting even in noisy SM City on a weekend.

But things got even worse! My rightfully upset spouse hauled out two suitcases and proceeded to dump my clothes from the nearby wardrobe into them! This didn't look good!

"YOU WANT TO GO TO ILOILO? YOU CAN GO TOMORROW!" she shouted at me as my angry asawa continuing stuffing the suitcases with my Max Wear T-Shirts from SM City along with my boxers and cargo shorts. No, this wasn't looking good at all.

(To be continued. Find out if I'm writing this post from a net cafe in Iloilo City or "The Compound" in Guimaras.)

By The Kano

POST AUTHOR: "THE KANO." Dave DeWall, "The Kano", is the Publisher & Editor-in-Chief of "Philippines Plus" in publication since August 2009. He is also the CEO of Lizard Poop Productions and author of the best-selling guide book "The Philippines Expat Advisor." Dave moved to the Philippines in July 2009 from Central Illinois with his lovely wife of over 21 years, "The Sainted Patient Wife." The couple reside in a rural province in Western Visayas, Guimaras. The small island province is said to have the sweetest mangoes in the world. They do not have any children but are the proud owners of eight active canines, including a Belgian Malinois called "Killer" "Killer" has bitten five people over the years along with one goat and a carabao. "Killer" doesn't like strangers. Or goats. Or carabaos.

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