My Filipina mother-in-law, The Feared Giant Lizard Killer, is a 77-year-old, 75-pound devout Catholic lady that has lived in the rural province of Guimaras all of her life and rises every morning at 4am to dutifully say her prayers. She has seen pirates, Japanese occupying forces, countless carabaos, roosters and cockfights in her lifetime and fairly recently a grumpy 59-year-old kano son-in-law. Through no fault of her own she gets on my very last nerve and annoys me on a daily basis. I readily admit I am not an easy person to get along with (just ask my asawa and my ex-coworkers from AT&T.) I'm a fairly antisocial and private person (a "private person" that writes about his daily experiences in the Philippines and exposes himself to the online world, go figure.) I hate to sound disrespectful because I absolutely cannot tolerate disrespect, but I long for the days when I am free from my mother-in-law's constant peering into our room, the outrageously loud burping without excusing herself, the irritating shuffling sound her slippers make as she slowly makes her way across our concrete floor which would have even tested Mother Teresa's patience and her shrill high-pitched loud voice; she is nearly deaf and speaks loud enough to be heard throughout the whole province of Guimaras. I'm positive the list of things I do that annoy her would comprise a much larger list, but she is a Filipina and will not complain.
However, after a conversation with my asawa, The Sainted Patient Wife, the other night, I do believe that in three years my mother-in-law will be getting the boot! Actually she will not get evicted from "The Compound," but in three years my asawa and I plan to move to a different part of the Philippines that has better hospital facilities than what we have in rural Guimaras and access to more services like bigger shopping malls near by. My wife has been noting my
numerous occasional complaints about her Mother, and when I mentioned our future move she agreed that it would be in everyone's best interests if my MOTHER-IN-LAW STAYED IN GUIMARAS AND DID NOT MAKE THE MOVE WITH US! In the past, my spouse has always said her mother would be living with us when we did move.
I know! I know! I shouldn't be so excited and happy! If I told you I felt guilty I would be lying. I'm waiting for God to strike me down with a huge thunderbolt right now! My wife's sister, Alida, will take over our room at "The Compound" with her husband, Joery, and their children, and The Feared Giant Lizard Killer will keep her present room. We will continue to purchase her high blood medication and other meds she needs, but we will be over an hour jet plane's ride from her when we leave. Once our move is made I will be in more accordance with the tradition of the Blackfoot Native Americans whose practice is for the husband to avoid all direct encounters with the wife's parents, especially the mother-in-law. Those Blackfoot are on to something.
Now I know there are plenty of you expats in the Philippines and maybe even some guys in the States living with your mother-in-law and getting along just fine. God bless you! You are a far better man than I! I readily acknowledge this glaring flaw in my character but make no attempt to hide my glee. For any of you mother-in-laws reading this post, I apologize for my inability to adapt and embrace my current living situation. Perhaps a daily case of Red Horse or San Miguel Pale Pilsen's would help in my adjustment, I don't know. Haven't given that a try. But since I have almost three years to go before our projected move, it probably wouldn't hurt for me to make a beer run to Cousin Emma's "Jade and Joe Market" right now!