“You Might Be a Redneck in the Philippines if…”

Just a fun post, today. Thanks to "Dan the Man" for today's post, a flagrant rip-off of Jeff Foxworthy. "You might be a redneck in the Philippines…."

  • If your idea of cleaning out the back of your jeepney is to go really fast and suddenly stop …
  • If you’ve ever had a San Miguel at a wake …
  • If you’ve ever paid for a six pack of Red Horse with centavos …
  • If your jeepney has four new tires and none of them are the same size
  • If your jeepney has a bumper sticker that says “My Mom is an honor student at Bong Bong Elementary School in Manila."
  • If you take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
  • If you burn your yard rather than mow it (something that our neighbors really do in the Philippines.)
  • If you keep a can of Baygon bug spray on the kitchen table.
  • If your lola (grandmother) has “new bolo” on her Christmas list.
  • If you go to a cock fight and don’t need a program.
  • If you have a rag for a gas cap.
  • If your house doesn’t have curtains, but your jeepney does.
  • If your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand in Iloilo City.
  • You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say “Star Margarine” on the side.
  • If the biggest city you’ve ever been to in the Philippines is SM City.
  • If your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
  • If a typhoon hits your neighborhood and does 500,000 pesos worth of improvements.
  • If you think fast food is hitting a carabao at 65
  • If you don't mind a little lizard poop mixed in with your pancit

If you're one of my Filipino readers and have no idea what a "redneck" is (I tried to explain that to my Filipina wife years ago and failed miserably, here's an explanation from Wikipedia.) By the way,  Dan and I are both proud to be rednecks.

Author: The Kano

POST AUTHOR: "THE KANO." Dave DeWall, "The Kano", is the Publisher & Editor-in-Chief of "Philippines Plus" in publication since August 2009. He is also the CEO of Lizard Poop Productions and author of the best-selling guide book "The Philippines Expat Advisor." Dave moved to the Philippines in July 2009 from Central Illinois with his lovely wife of over 19 years, "The Sainted Patient Wife." The couple reside in a rural province in Western Visayas, Guimaras. The small island province is said to have the sweetest mangoes in the world. They do not have any children but are the proud owners of eight active canines, including a Belgian Shepherd called "Killer" "Killer" has bitten five people in the last two years along with one goat and a carabao. "Killer" doesn't like strangers. Or goats. Or carabaos.

10 thoughts on ““You Might Be a Redneck in the Philippines if…”

  1. I think you should just remove “redneck” from the title, because redneck implies that it’s out of the ordinary and a lot of the things on that list are just the way things are done here. I think buying red horse (never seen a six pack though) with a few coins(college)is the only thing I’ve done on the list, but the rest of it is my town’s way of life, and I kinda love it that way.

  2. Dave,
    I think you are being funny above, and I commented with a southern slang response. I read the definition of a redneck (out of curiousity since I am from Georgia). I never considered myself a redneck, because I worked indoors most of my life. I now have a house in the province and I have met people who have never had electricity or indoor plumbing. Most just use the woods for their CR. In the province here they don’t drink expensive beer, I can’t even find a Red Horse or San Migel (they do sell gold eagle), but rather like Tuba (coconut wine, which taste like dirt to me). A gallon of Tuba can be bought for 40 piso and get 6 people drunk. Maybe they pay for their Tuba with centavos.

  3. LOL..funny Dave….You did good…Fox Worthy was pretty darn funny in his day……I think he faded in to the sun set how ever….never hear anything about him any more…He used to do a count down on nation wide radio there for a while…but not even sure if he does that…any way thanks for the humor

  4. Oh and by the way……I am not thinking that chick with the bud bra and can of water by Milwauke best is from the Fillipines…she maybe from Alabama.

    1. I thought it was great Dave how you changed things up and you no I do not think any red blooded man would kick that lady in the photo with the bud bra and can of Millwauke best in her hand out of the sack. She might be a red neck but she is a sexy red neck for sure……

      1. Well I,m proud to be a redneck also…from the south all it means is to be from the country rather than the city….and country life is a whole lot different from city life.Country people being more self-sufficient and liveing closer to nature than the city folks.I,m a fan of Foxworthy also and to validate my redneckness , I have shot a few whitetail deer from my bedroom window, ha ha But I do love the philippines and I am married to a redneck woman from the philippines, that can pluck n dress a chicken and clean a fish and cook up some scrumpshish grub and knows how to keep my garden green and my nature hard. God bless the Philippines

  5. Hey Dave, All I mention was I did not want to show my other part of being a Redneck in the Philippines, and all of a sudden everyone has a little Redneck in them.They must be related to me !!!! Anyway good showing. When I first met my wife she asked my if I only spoke english, and I told her I spoke Redneck.She did not understand. I forgot she wasn’t from around here(america).Anyway I thought it was funny. We been married for four years now, and I think she would now laugh at it (maybe). JC

    1. Well after my divorse and my wife and sons moved to the city , they had a hard time learning you can,t just pee out in the yard anymore once you move to the city…and the peeing contests off the back porch are no longer allowed either.Ha Ha I must be from Alabama

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