I Mess With the Mormons in Iloilo City!

While attempting to dodge any further mistress attempts at SM City in Iloilo the other day, and after speaking and resting on a bench from our shopping,  my asawa pointed to a group of white Mormon guys sitting together at a pretzel joint at the mall. I had recognized some of the Iloilo City LDS missionaries from previous visits to Iloilo City so I thought I would go over and chat with the guys for awhile. I always like to mess with them.HBO's Big LoveFirst off I asked the group where their fellow Filipino comrades were. The elder from Arizona replied they were gone today taking care of some business. I noticed a few new missionaries in the group as I pointed out that I was waiting for my wife, who had ventured into a nearby ladies shoe store.  I never enter ANY ladies shoe establishment unless I absolutely, positively have too ( which is when my asawa requests it.)

The Arizona elder, who I had told before about my wife who had chased off some of their fellow missionaries at "The Compound," our home in Guimaras, had not been on that field trip to our rural province, but remarked that Guimaras is part of their territory since they are based in nearby  Iloilo City.

I quickly turned to one of the new guys, a somewhat smaller, bespectacled Mormon and sharply asked in mock anger: "Where you one of the guys my wife chased away!"  "NO, NO, I wasn't there that day!" he quickly replied. (The other guys that I met earlier knew I was just messing with him and smiled.) I said that's good because my asawa swings a mean bolo. I then asked if there where any ladies that went on the two year missions such as they did, and they told me they also have some "sisters" in Iloilo that are on their own missions for the church.  I remarked that I think I have seen some of them at SM City. "They wear the long dresses, right? I asked (I have seen a lot of episodes of "Big Love" on HBO, a series about a polygamous Mormon where one of the husband's wives belongs to one of the stricter sects that require the long dress. I've also attended strict Holiness or Pentecostal churches in the past where the long dresses were the norm for the women.)  The Arizona elder answered "Yes."

I chatted with the group for a few minutes more, shook hands with all five and was on my way to see who else I could "mess" with.  It's tough being retired with all of this time on my hands where I have to resort to picking on some poor Mormon missionaries.  If God is a Mormon, I might be in some trouble when I check out of this world!

Author: The Kano

POST AUTHOR: "THE KANO." Dave DeWall, "The Kano", is the Publisher & Editor-in-Chief of "Philippines Plus" in publication since August 2009. He is also the CEO of Lizard Poop Productions and author of the best-selling guide book "The Philippines Expat Advisor." Dave moved to the Philippines in July 2009 from Central Illinois with his lovely wife of over 19 years, "The Sainted Patient Wife." The couple reside in a rural province in Western Visayas, Guimaras. The small island province is said to have the sweetest mangoes in the world. They do not have any children but are the proud owners of eight active canines, including a Belgian Shepherd called "Killer" "Killer" has bitten five people in the last two years along with one goat and a carabao. "Killer" doesn't like strangers. Or goats. Or carabaos.

8 thoughts on “I Mess With the Mormons in Iloilo City!

  1. But you are smart in one regard….at least you know Mormons don’t carry bolos! So if you are gonna mess with anybody you likely picked the right group.

    1. Yes, Tony, I’ve never seen them carry bolos. Good thing! To be honest, they are one of the few bunch of guys that are from America that I see, and I just like to carry on a conversation with them sometimes and spread my B.S.

  2. Why not pick on some catholics there…there are more of them there than Mormons?, Or other christian faiths…Oh!, I forgot..most catholics there are fillipinos and have big bolos..so that would ba a no no…to pick on catholics..

  3. All are fair game! I am Baptist and I pick on them the most. Did you hear about the …. never mind. I will just make someone mad. I do love to see them get wound up. 🙂


  4. Well, I guess I better be careful, John, thanks for the heads up!
    I was baptized Catholic when I was a baby. My Mother was a Catholic, and my Father a Lutheran. My Dad attended some of the classes to convert to Catholicism but couldn’t go through with it. My Mother became a Lutheran and was excommunicated from the Catholic Church. I admire your promise to Father Carlos. My wife and I got married a second time in the Catholic Church because that is what she wanted. She showed the local priest my baptismal certificate, and that was good enough for him.

    I completely disagree with all of the Mormon doctrines, but I do, also, find most of them to be really nice people. And, I’m with you, don’t get me started on the Witnesses and Scientologists. I absolutely have no patience with them.

  5. One of the strange things I found when I got here to the Philippines was that Catholics aren’t Christians 9according to Filipino-speak). I have a niece who kind of scandalized the family by joining a born again church and the whispers go ’round … “she’s a Christian”.

    Hmm I thought the Catholic church was founded by Jesus (or his Disciples). Silly me.

    I have regular visits from a local born again church who has their own missionaries who only go to visit foreigners. I kid you not. They came to my gate and asked for me by name. I asked them why they singled out foreigners, were we especially sinful in their eyes? A lot of hemming and hawing and mumbling followed, finally an explanation was offered that “Every other church conducts services in Tagalog and we feel foreigners are left out.”

    I told them that I appreciated the thought but their visits remind me more of Hitler’s Gestapo, rounding up Jews and other “undesirables”. When I asked dhow they got my name, they couldn’t/wouldn’t offer any explanation. I refuse to talk to them any more, but they still come around like clockwork.

    Mormons have never come here, although I see them from time to time in the area. They’d be welcome for a chat any time … interesting, clean living young people who at least believe in _something_ and who take two years out of their lives (which are self or family-funded, they don’t draw a salary from their church) to demonstrate their beliefs.

    You can challenge their theology, but you can hardly challenge their motives. I like the guys for their personalities … their beliefs, hey we’re all allowed to believe what we wish.

    1. I haven’t been singled out by the local born again churches, Dave, but you are absolutely correct that when the term “born again Christian” is used around here, it is not in a flattering light for the most part. I became a born again Christian at the age of 21, and now at the age of 58, I just call myself a Christian. I believe in Jesus. I believe in the Bible. But to many I must seem like a heathen backslider since I no longer attend church aside from the occasion visit to our local Catholic Church. Well, the final decision as to where I end up when this life is over is up to God.

      And while I certainly do disagree with the Mormon’s theology, I absolutely do not question their motives. When I shook hands with the guys at Iloilo, I told them I might disagree with them, but I respect their dedication. They are a pretty good bunch of personable and decent guys.

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