While attempting to dodge any further mistress attempts at SM City in Iloilo the other day, and after speaking and resting on a bench from our shopping, my asawa pointed to a group of white Mormon guys sitting together at a pretzel joint at the mall. I had recognized some of the Iloilo City LDS missionaries from previous visits to Iloilo City so I thought I would go over and chat with the guys for awhile. I always like to mess with them.First off I asked the group where their fellow Filipino comrades were. The elder from Arizona replied they were gone today taking care of some business. I noticed a few new missionaries in the group as I pointed out that I was waiting for my wife, who had ventured into a nearby ladies shoe store. I never enter ANY ladies shoe establishment unless I absolutely, positively have too ( which is when my asawa requests it.)
The Arizona elder, who I had told before about my wife who had chased off some of their fellow missionaries at "The Compound," our home in Guimaras, had not been on that field trip to our rural province, but remarked that Guimaras is part of their territory since they are based in nearby Iloilo City.
I quickly turned to one of the new guys, a somewhat smaller, bespectacled Mormon and sharply asked in mock anger: "Where you one of the guys my wife chased away!" "NO, NO, I wasn't there that day!" he quickly replied. (The other guys that I met earlier knew I was just messing with him and smiled.) I said that's good because my asawa swings a mean bolo. I then asked if there where any ladies that went on the two year missions such as they did, and they told me they also have some "sisters" in Iloilo that are on their own missions for the church. I remarked that I think I have seen some of them at SM City. "They wear the long dresses, right? I asked (I have seen a lot of episodes of "Big Love" on HBO, a series about a polygamous Mormon where one of the husband's wives belongs to one of the stricter sects that require the long dress. I've also attended strict Holiness or Pentecostal churches in the past where the long dresses were the norm for the women.) The Arizona elder answered "Yes."
I chatted with the group for a few minutes more, shook hands with all five and was on my way to see who else I could "mess" with. It's tough being retired with all of this time on my hands where I have to resort to picking on some poor Mormon missionaries. If God is a Mormon, I might be in some trouble when I check out of this world!