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Thu. Apr 15th, 2021

We even get text messages on the edge of a jungle!


The music is still blasting from our relative's home down the road (see yesterday's blog), and I can get through on my wife's cell phone to call our Chief of Police. I'm at the entrance of my brother-and sister-in-law's nipa hut that  sits in our front yard, and attempt to reach the Chief one more time. The call goes through this time, but the person on the other end cannot understand or hear me. I hand the phone to my brother-in-law, Joery, and after him repeating "Hello" several times,  we realize we or cut off or hung up on.  I'm getting angrier, so my wife's sister takes the phone and calls Dennis, a local policeman and relative (also related to the noisy relative.)DSC

Dennis informs my sister-in-law, Alida, that my offensive relative is having a birthday celebration and can play the music until 10 pm. However, Dennis promises to have a police care dispatched promptly at 10 pm if the music is still going on.

It's a little after nine now so I go back inside our house, pass my wife who is on the couch in our living room and wait inside our bedroom with the air con. I endure the thump, thump, thump of the bass  notes being blasted from our idiotic relative's speakers. Thankfully 10 pm arrives and suddenly the music shuts down! My wife's cell phone which my sister-in-law had used to call Dennis soon  has that annoying tone to indicate a new text message.

The text from an unidentified number states: "Musta tits."  What? I figure the message must be from Dennis, but I do not know for sure since it is not identified, and wonder who in the world is sending a message about "tits!" I text back "Who is this?"  "Dennis" is the reply. I text him back: "The music has stopped. Salamat po" (thank you, sir.)  He replies that the mobile car (as he phrased it) went out to the relative's site,  and  the officers had the music turned off. I thanked him again, and we exchanged "gud nyt" texts.

I still wanted to know about this "musta tits" text so I took my cheap mini-flashlight (only 8.5 pesos) and shined it on my wife's face. She pretended not to notice and was still angry at  me for my response to her earlier statement about the relative throwing a grenade at our house, so I let it go for now and went to sleep. My wife joined me in the air con bedroom a few hours later, and still wasn't speaking to me the next morning, so I asked my sister-in-law what the text message meant.
"Musta tits" was short for "how are you, teach" (my sister has a preschool in our backyard and is the teacher.)  I ask her if she knows what "tits" means in English. She laughs and says she does. Later in the afternoon, I relay the story to my wife who is finally talking to me (but didn't even come close to her record of three straight days of not talking to me) and she asks me what "tits" means (my wife evidently lived a sheltered life the ten years she spent in America with me.) 
I tell her, she laughs, and all is well at our  "Compound" in the Philippines again. And all is quiet. Well, at least for a few weeks. Fiesta time starts at the end of this month, and I've learned from my fiesta experience last year that the best thing to do is just plan to not get any sleep and join in the festivities. And  now I've also learned to be careful about how I address any other teachers here that might know some English slang!

By The Kano

POST AUTHOR: "THE KANO." Dave DeWall, "The Kano", is the Publisher & Editor-in-Chief of "Philippines Plus" in publication since August 2009. He is also the CEO of Lizard Poop Productions and author of the best-selling guide book "The Philippines Expat Advisor." Dave moved to the Philippines in July 2009 from Central Illinois with his lovely wife of over 21 years, "The Sainted Patient Wife." The couple reside in a rural province in Western Visayas, Guimaras. The small island province is said to have the sweetest mangoes in the world. They do not have any children but are the proud owners of eight active canines, including a Belgian Malinois called "Killer" "Killer" has bitten five people over the years along with one goat and a carabao. "Killer" doesn't like strangers. Or goats. Or carabaos.

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