10 Best Reasons to Never Visit Guimaras, Philippines

I’ve lived in the Philippines with my Filipina wife for over eight years now. We’ve spent six of those years on a tiny island province called Guimaras in Western Visayas. Here’s my “10 Best Reasons to Never Visit Guimaras, Philippines.

1. Sunsets uglier than dog crap on the bottom of your cheap-ass vinyl slippers you got from the local ukay-ukay store.

Guimaras sunset

2. Projectile-vomiting views like this found on the Iloilo Strait between Guimaras and Iloilo City, the “most-shabulized” city in the Philippines. (Hey, I didn’t call Iloilo City that, President Duterte put that tag on them.)

sunset over guimaras

3. Irritating locals at Raymen Beach who even flash a smile at Crusty Old Expats.

10 Best Reasons to Never Visit Guimaras, Philippines

4. Sheeesh! Even foreigners with a face like a dog’s rear-end can get pretty girls on the beach to pose for them.

Raymen Beach Guimaras

5. Mango Festivals which even allow lanky gringos to hog the stage with a pretty pinay.

The Tom Cat at Manggahan

6. Swimsuit beauties on parade! Why would anyone even consider visiting Guimaras?

swimsuit beauties at Manggahan Festival

7. Goofy Mango Mascots that don’t even give you the finger! WTF!

Mango Mascots for Manggahan

8. Sweetest Mangoes in the World? Who sez? (Oh, the Guinness Book of World Records does.)

sweetest mangoes guimaras

 

9. School kids that have no regard for their personal safety and enjoy this kind of ride to school every day.

jeepney in Guimaras loaded up with school kids on top

10. And finally, Beauty Queens that treat you like a celebrity. What kind of hell-hole is this Guimaras?Filipino beauty queens Guimaras