How much is that cow poop in the window? The one with the pugent smell. How much is that cow poop in the window? I do hope that poopie’s for sale. (With apologies to Patti Page.)
I always thought that cow manure was free. All you have to do to locate meadow muffins in our rural province of Guimaras, the Philippines, is find a cow. Poop will drop from said cow like stink from a skunk. Get yourself a container to scoop it up in and you’ll be riding a gravy train on biscuit wheels.
My Filipina wife has been collecting cow poop for years and has spent countless hours foraging for free cow chips in the Philippines. She likes to use the empty concrete bags we had collected during the construction of our new house in the Philippines. My spouse is well acquainted with all types of manure. I’ve been dishing out plenty of B.S. for years.
But to my astonishment, I have heard that some expats on our tiny island province pay for cow poop!
No, I am not making this up. During a recent Friday evening meeting at a local expat hangout, I mentioned that my asawa collects manure from my brother-in-law’s bovine, Hulk. The cow, along with an assortment of relatives, resides on our property but at least he never asks for money (that I’m aware of.)
If Hulk ever decides to shake anyone down for a “loan,” it will be my wife since she’s dependent on the beast for his cow crap that she mixes with our soil.
But how much does a bag of cow manure cost in the Philippines? Good question. The expat that does buy poop in a bag pays 5 pesos for it, 11¢. But her partner, loudly protested and said she pays 80 pesos, $1.75. The crap buyer finally acknowledged that she pays 10 pesos for it, but since we get ours for free, it really doesn’t make any difference to me.
So how much is that cow poop in the window?
Well, if you’re in the United States and want the organic stuff you can purchase a 20-pound bag of Hoffman’s Organic Cow Manure 1-1-1 Fertilizer from Amazon for $6.73 plus $7.06 shipping. Sounds kind of expensive to me.
If you’re in the Philippines, regular cow poop is on sale for 45 pesos a bag at Olx.
Or you can do like my wife does, collect your own. It’s free. But be sure you wear your garden gloves, OK? Unless you’re into that sort of thing, and if you are, I don’t want to know.