From the Midwest redneck author of "The Rooster Crows at 4am!," "Lizard Poop!," and "The Philippines Expat Advisor"
Frisky Filipinas and The Tom Cat
Scott B and I had dropped by The Shirven Hotel in Guimaras. I wanted to see if my two favorite staff members, Mae and Maricel, were on duty. Mae was gone for the day and Maricel was going to be in later. I had told my asawa, who was visiting her family at "The Compound," to meet us at Lisa's Talabahan. I asked her to please text the "Tom Cat" and his girlfriend LenLen (my wife's relative) to meet us there, also.
Walked into our favorite oyster bar in Guimaras, and saw a group of Filipinos huddled around the television watching a NBA Finals game between the Heat and Thunder. I didn't even know Oklahoma had a NBA franchise.
Scott B is a big sports fan so we got a table near the TV. It was around 10 am, late enough for me to have a San Miguel Pale Pilsen. My American expat friend passed. I had my back to the game, nursing my Pilsen.
In a country with some of the world's smallest men on average, the Philippines, they have such a huge interest in basketball. At an average height of 162.0, 5'3.8", for a Filipino guy, only men in Indonesia (161.5, 5'3.6") and Cambodia, 160.3, 5'3".1, have shorter average heights in the world (Source: Interbasket.net.)
It was getting hungry around 11 am, my usual lunch time. Tom hadn't arrived yet so I ordered three sticks of grilled pork and one chicken thigh along with another beer.
The game was almost over around noon so Scott and I decided to head back to "The Compound." Couldn't understand why Tom hadn't arrived yet, but maybe he was caught up in some duties over by the Trappist Monastery in Guimaras where he serves as an oblate, lay person.
As we walked by Cousin Emma's Jade Market on the way to my asawa's place, my American expat friend and I heard a chorus of Filipina voices yelling "Hi, Joe!" I kept walking. My asawa is related to half the population of Guimaras, and I had a hunch the girls yelling at us from an upper story window were some hookers that worked at a nearby bar my wife had told me about. 
Scott B, the single guy without any girlfriends or relatives nearby, shouted back at the girls. But he wisely continued on with me back to our muddy, cow poop-laden subdivision road. Met my nephew, Jorreal, who was catching a trike back to school after his lunch at home, and niece Michelle, who was escorting him. I said hello and also gave him a 100 peso note like I had earlier given to his sister, JalAmiel.
Stepped through the gate to our former home and went to the nipa hut in the front yard where my asawa was. I asked her if she had sent a text message to Tom to meet us at LIsa's like I had asked. No text was sent. She thought SHE was supposed to meet us at Lisa's and that we would go to The Farm and see Tom and LenLen after that.
After over 12 years of marriage, I knew there was no point in arguing this simple misunderstanding. Our twin nieces and my spouse,along with Scott and myself, hopped onto a tricyle parked outside our gate and headed for Tom Cat's place. It was raining hard but Scott and I stayed in the rear of the trike as my wife climbed onto the motorcycle, umbrella in hand. My twin nieces sat up front in the trike cab. 
Made it to "The Farm" relatively dry. I hopped out, paid the driver and yelled out: "Tom Cat! Tom Cat!" My American expat friend made his appearance, disheveled and wearing dirty clothes, he had been working on a new furniture project.
We stepped in, greeted Tom's lovely companion, LenLen, and I introduced Scott B. Made a quick tour of the house and chatted with the Tom Cat. Tom said LenLen had called for a couple of tricycles to take us to Lisa's for lunch. Everyone else but I had eaten lunch. We soon heard the sound of approaching tricycles.
We hopped on and headed back to Lisa's Talabahan where we chowed down and had a few beers. Scott B, my asawa and twin nieces walked over to the jeepney dispatch area and caught a ride to the Jordan wharf in Guimaras and hopped on a pump boat back to Iloilo. A good day with good friends and giving creedence to the slogan: "It's more fun in the Philippines!"
Dave,
Living only about 9 miles from the Oklahoma “Thunder’s” home court, we get bombarded with “Thunder” practically every minute of the day. The lovely asawa and I were even offered free tickets to the finals from a close friend who works for one of the primary owners of the “Thunder”. Would I trade that to be sitting there having a cold, cool or ever warm SMG product? In a New York second I would!!!! You a lucky man Dave!!!
I think many the foreigner married to the Filipina has that same problem Dave.
Communcations Are More Fun in the Philippines!
You write well Dave, I enjoyed it. I agree with RandyL on the communication issues, although I thought it was because my asawa and I are still newlyweds?
So I have to ask: is the picture of the ladies a “file photo” or are they the girls that yelled “Hi Joe?”
Lee, a “real” photo would mean that Dave actually interacted and “went in” to their place of business to set up the shot. My guess…file photo!
I’m just out of the loop, John D. I didn’t even realize my St. Louis Cardinals were in the World Series last year until I saw it online. Kind of lose track of things over in paradise. And yes, I am a lucky man, no doubt about that.
Had communication problems with the ex-wife back in the States. Randy. Wonder if that’s why the ex threw my clothes out in the front yard after nine months of marriage and gave me the boot?
Thanks for the kind words, Lee. Nope, that picture of the ladies is a file photo, should have noted that in the story. I didn’t get a look at the ladies that were yelling at us, but Scott B told me they were ugly. Scott is not once to mince words.
Yep, file photo, Randy. Regular readers will know that my asawa carries a sharp bolo and isn’t afraid to use it.
Well if I were single, I would have had a hard time getting past that bunch in the photo. I would have been in trouble!
Lee, in regards to mis-communicating with a Filipina….that discussion would be worthy of a documentary. Maybe a mini-series! It has nothing to do with being newlyweds!
Randy, if a single guy has never made it over to the Philippines, he’s missing out on seeing some of the most beautiful ladies in the world. Chances are he’ll be treated like a celebrity and beating the women off with a stick like my new single expat friend, Scott B.
Amen, to that, Randy. Has NOTHING to do with being a newlywed, Lee. You’ll see, brother, you’ll see.
Tell me! I was an eligible bachelor at age 30 for at least 2 years when I live there in ’83-’86. It was rough!
It’s an art form all its own…hahaha
I forgot to ask…who is the lonely looking white guy sitting at the table all by himself? He is without food or spirits!
Yeah, I bet it was rough, Randy.
That’s a German guy I met, Randy. Forget his name. Nice guy but a pushy Filipina real estate came over to our table. I excused myself when Scott arrived and got a different table for us.
Holgar!
Thanks, Mr. Frog. Sometimes I can’t even remember my name.
Fearless Frank Here,
Dave, Please tell Tom & Len Len that I REALLY miss them both.
I’ll let them know, O Fearless One. We wish you were back in the Philippines. Of course, Tom was quick to bring up the plumbing issue when we visited him. You’re welcome at our place, but with four extra kids here now, space is at a premium.
maybe he will write a guess post for you dave
Good idea, maria. Just have to get him some internet access. He’s out of range for any of the towers and has to go to the Shirven hotel for their wi-fi. I’ll have to ask him.
Dave, maybe you can move the internet tower you installed at your wife’s place in Guimaras and give it to him so he has internet access.
He still won’t get a signal, Lance. He had Smart Bro come out, the main tower is too far away even with my 50 footer (internet tower, that is.) He’s checking with Globe, but I wouldn’t pin my hopes on them. Globe service sucks in our area.
This expat is planning to use a home-made satellite dish to boost his Globe internet stick signal (at about 4:00 on the video) :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePVzF1S2fwc&feature=plcp
Don’t know if it will work or not?
Thanks, Lance, I’ll have to forward that to the Tom Cat. Fearless Frank and Tom boosted the cell phone signal at the monastery in Guimaras so this contraption should be right up his alley.
Hi Dave,
This is a nice story, I enjoyed it a lot. You have a nice picture of the farm too.
Ken
Thanks, Ken. Tom Cat’s place has some beautiful surroundings.