From the Midwest redneck author of "The Rooster Crows at 4am!," "Lizard Poop!," and "The Philippines Expat Advisor"
Side Benefit of bin Laden’s Death: It Finally Bumps the Royal Couple Out of the News!
God Bless America! The terrorist, the devil incarnate, Osama bin Laden was killed by U.S. Navy Seals while lounging at his mansion 62 miles north of the Pakistani capital of Islamabad along with other family members. Reports that the family was munching on a bucket of Original Recipe KFC chicken while watching reruns of "The Brady Bunch" cannot be confirmed by this reporter. I was so excited, so jubilant, so proud of President Obama for having the guts to send those Navy Seals to assassinate the piece of human crap called bin Laden, I was beside myself. I wished I could have joined the cheering crowds that I saw on CNN celebrating outside the White House and the streets of New York City. 
I go outside to give the news to my brother-in-law Joery, and he just smiles and looks at me. At least my asawa was glad to hear the news and understood who I was talking about. She was at our home in Auburn, Illinois. watching the Jerry Springer Show when the news of the September 11 attack interrupted Jerry's top bouncer, Steve, breaking up a fight between a couple of toothless trailer trash women from the South. (Don't worry, read on, I'm on a roll today, see who else I'm going to offend.)
And suddenly a thought occurred to me (yeah, that happens on occasion.) The death of bin Laden has some other side benefits. The news of the Royal Wedding and the beatification of Pope John Paul II has now been pushed from the headlines. I mean if I'm going to be offensive, why not anger three groups in this post (along with Southern gals that live in trailers) : radical Muslims who revered bin Laden, Brits that revere the royals, and Catholics that revered Pope John Paul II. Now if I just would say something bad about Manny Pacquiao and Charice, I would also be in danger of pissing off most of the population of the Philippines, so I better leave it at the Royals and the Pope. And Southern women.
Listen, I'm telling you right now. I could CARE LESS about where the Royal Couple, William and Kate, are going to honeymoon. I could CARE LESS that Kate cried at some stupid speech William gave, and to real honest with you, I could CARE LESS about the royal family in general. Didn't the United States fight a war back in 1776 with Great Britain to be free of the King? Then why in the world would I want to watch a so-called "Wedding of the Century" which involved British royalty? A Time magazine poll said that 79% of Brits themselves were "indifferent" about the wedding.
OK, now aside from Southern women that read this website and live in "mobile homes" (been there, done that myself, so don't get on my case about this, OK?) I probably haven't upset a great deal of people yet, but wait. I have to tell you I cannot understand all of this fuss about the recent beatification of deceased Pope John Paul II. First of all, let me explain that I certainly have nothing against Catholics. I honestly think Pope John Paul II was a caring and charismatic man. I was baptized a Catholic though I never attended Mass in the United States, I was raised a Lutheran. My Filipina wife is a Catholic. I have attended a few Masses with her in the Philippines.
However, I cannot understand why miracles, such as the one claimed by French nun Sister Marie Simon Pierre Normand, who had been diagnosed with Parkinson's disease in 2001, claims that prayers to the deceased Pope John Paul II cured her from the disease after two fellow nuns prayed for help to John Paul, who had also suffered from Parkinson's. The sister's healing was instrumental in getting the Pope beatified. How about just praying to Jesus Christ directly instead of using middlemen like dead Popes. Honestly, I've got a major problem with that theology.
It's my humble opinion that Sister Marie was cured through the healing power of Christ and NOT Pope John Paul II. I checked with my Catholic wife, who tells me she prays directly to Jesus. She doesn't understand the practice of praying to the saints, either, but tells me her Catholic Mother also prays to the dead saints. Personally, I want to go straight to the TOP and go to Jesus.
Now that I've sufficiently offended a number of folks, let me get back to Osama bin Laden. Hope he rots in Hell. For eternity. For those of you that do not believe in Hell, and I have now offended, take a number.
Hi Dave: I agree with you about outseating the royals and the sainted Pope in the media. I’m glad that the news are relevant to my life for a change.
Other benefit…I hear the dollar went up.
Thanks, Roselyn. I’m afraid I would take some flak for that post, so I appreciate your comment.
You’re absolutely right, Hazel. I heard that on the news last night. I think the dollar recovered from a three-year-low. Great news!
Only marginally Dave. I just checked with XE and it is still only trading US$1 = P42.80. A slight improvement from last night’s P42.72. The Aussie$ has slipped though to P46.67. Big drop from this morning’s P46.91. Anyhow, I wonder if our boys (both from the US and Australia) can now come home?
Yep, I just checked the rates, too, Christine. It’s the lowest USD to PHP exchange rate since we moved to the Philippines in July 2009. Hopefully it will start to go up again.
And yes, hopefully the killing of bin Laden will help get all of the troops home.
I’m shocked beyond belief………I would have swore he was a Extra Crispy kinda guy instead of Original Recipe! Either way he is doing the tango in Hell now so I guess it does not matter.
I was surprised to learn, that he was an Original Recipe guy, too, Tony. Yeah, I hope Hell has a special place reserved for especially evil freaks like bin Laden.
Wow Dave, the 2009-2011 USD to PHP exchange rate trend really looks bad for expats:
http://finance.yahoo.com/q/bc?s=USDPHP=X&t=2y&l=on&z=m&q=l&c=
Yep, it’s been on a downward trend, Lance, but I am always the optimist. Despite official forecasts and having no financial background myself, I personally think the exchange rate will improve. I believe that the Philippine government is artificially propping up the peso, and OFW remittances to the Philippines will continue to decrease due to the loss of jobs in the Mideast due to all of the political instability. Just keep buying my ebooks to help me make up the difference, and I’ll be fine no matter what.
Thankfully, my retirement account has greatly increased this year, and our personal economic picture is looking a lot better than it did last year. When my wife and I got married in January 2000 we were getting a 36-to-1 exchange rate at the Bayview Hotel in Manila where we stayed.
In other news, a few “toothless trailer trash women” from the south lost their
dentures when the tornadoes wiped out Alabama trailer parks.
Dave,
The last 2 administrations have done everything possible to devalue the dollar. Some of the increase in the cost of oil is due to the lost of value of the dollar. I don’t understand how Ben Bernake still has a job at the Federal Reserve.
PS … Checklist for offending Filipino …
Catholics … check
Muslims … check
Mormons … Dave … you’re slipping.
Rob, I apologize to all toothless trailer trash women across the South. When I made that Jerry Springer Show reference, I had forgotten about the terrible tornadoes that struck the Southern states. Hopefully they’re don’t make up a big portion of my readership.
You’ve got a good point, Jack, about the devaluation of the dollar. Hopefully, things will turn around. Fellow expat Rusty Ferguson had a recent interesting article about the dollar and the peso.
Ok, Jack, you’re right I did miss the Mormons, so here goes. Heard some commotion outside of the gates of “The Compound” this past Saturday afternoon. My asawa was trying to nap on our couch, and the shouts woke here up. Saw two young tall white Mormon guys outside. They were yelling in the native Ilonngo language. None of the relatives in the nipa hut in our front yard were responding. I was getting pissed. They couldn’t see a kano looking at them through our front screened window where I was viewing them. I had no desire to talk to them, but wish I would have gone out now. My wife went outside. They kept shouting until my asawa told them “we weren’t interested.” They kept shouting in the native language with accents so bad my wife couldn’t understand them. Finally she could make out they were asking if a certain person lived there, a Filipino name. My wife said “no.” They finally left. Some of the rudest Mormons I have ever encountered. I can guarantee you that next time I see them at our gate, The Kano will be going outside.
Dave
Totally agree with you about the Royal Wedding. They had it on every channel. It’s unfortunate the money that was spent on the wedding, when the economy is doing lousy. Take care
Dave
The exchange rate should go up now with the recent strengthing of the dollar. Crude oil actually went down a couple of dollars a barrel.
Yep, think that money could have gone for a better purpose, Papa Duck, but what do I know? I’m just an old kano geezer living on the edge of a jungle in the Philippines (and I still couldn’t escape “The Wedding of the Century!”)
Yep, you’re right, Papa Duck, i think those factors should help with the exchange rate.